Giving birth is bloody hard work, and for some us, it really brings out the dark side. It’s the drugs I swear.
I remember my emergency section clear as day, probably because I only had a spinal and no crazy meds… Although sleep deprivation made me forgot my daughter’s name, and I cried like a baby. My second birth was a VBAC and boy it was a very different experience. I remember inhaling that gas and air in so intensely I thought I sounded like Darth Vadar when I spoke. No one could take it away from me, it’s great stuff I had 5 large canisters worth. I remember being so close to giving birth and I could feel her coming down with each contraction and then she was going back up and I was ‘Noooooo she’s going back up bring her back down’
In hindsight, most women can see the funny side of giving birth. I asked some lovely ladies from the blogging community their funniest labouring moments. I was overwhelmed with the comments I received. There seems to be a trend of categories. Have a read and a giggle. Maybe you fall into one of these categories too?
I have so much admiration for midwives, they certainly have to put up with a lot.
Kelly ‘I said f********k! a lot whilst trying to birth a back to back baby and then have an episiotomy!’
Jade ‘During my most recent labour (3rd baby) whilst having a contraction I shouted at my oh and said “I’m too f*****g old now to be doing this s**t!” .. I’m 26 years old 😂 the midwives thought it was hilarious, and that was before I was given any gas and air..’
Laura ‘I remember telling the midwife I was scheduled for a c section and I shouldn’t be having a natural labour when I was already 8cm dilated 😂 – It was the pain and the gas and air taking over’
Amy ‘I told my midwife, “I don’t want to do this, I’m not doing it anymore, I’m going home!” 😂😂 safe to say she didn’t let me go home!’
Jenna “Keep her in there I’m adopting” 😂 I also bit my husband the second time around haha’
Bodily fluids (poop, sick and wee)
Jen ‘I insisted I needed a wee and refused to push until I had been to the toilet. I have no idea why as I remember finally being allowed to go before I pushed and not being able to wee anyway. I guess it was the sensations of needing to push.’
Melanie ‘I was paranoid about having a poo as I gave birth and kept telling everyone. I had to be coaxed off the toilet with reassurances that they wouldn’t tell me if I did!’
Amy ‘I’m sorry for screaming’ and ‘I don’t want to s**t myself’ in-between the screaming 😂 The midwives and my husband found it hilarious’
Leanne ‘I remember telling the paramedic that I had just sicked in my mouth and swallowed it 😂’
Sarah ‘I did the thing that everyone dreads doing during labour. Except the midwives kept insisting I hadn’t done a huge poo and that they weren’t cleaning me up because of said poo. I grabbed my husband and hissed at him “why are they lying to me?! I can smell it!” Furious was an understament. Now I’m more mortified. And still, I’m telling you’
Natalie ‘ The gas and air made me loopy, I thought I was in my school biology classroom and I had no idea who my husband was or what he was doing there. It didn’t help that the midwife kept calling him Steve. That’s not his name.’
Hannah ‘When my daughters head was crowning the midwives told me she had a full head of black hair. I was shocked as I’m blonde and my partner was when he was a baby so I just said ‘Well who the hell has she got that from then?!’ The midwives had no idea what to say to us haha!’
Donna ‘I found that the gas and air changed my voice – so I thought I was remarkably funny quoting Arnie ‘GET TO THE CHOPPER!’ etc when I was having my first.’
Georgina ‘I was fully naked for labour and my mum kept trying to cover me up when people came in. I was batting her off telling her how “glorious” I was in my pregnant, naked form. In hindsight, I probably looked like a washed up hippo but the gas and air was doing the talking for me!’
Victoria ‘On the gas and air I was apparently saying how hilarious I thought my feet looked! No idea what I was going on about!’
Laura ‘I asked my husband for a vodka lime lemonade! 35 hours into a horrific induction, and way too much gas and air, I was absolutely convinced I was in Wetherspoons!! ‘
Rhiannan ‘With my first son, I was halfway through pushing him out and I asked if it was too late for a caesarean 😂’
Hayley ‘Mid pushing I asked for a progress report. As a percentage. Then when she said she could see the head (it was a pool birth) I made her measure it out with her fingers for me before I turned to my husband and said (really loudly) ‘she’s a liar’. Poor midwife!!’
Lyndsay ‘I said I wanted drugs and refused to do anything the midwife told me.
I got a stern telling off as I was 10cm and my baby needed to be born now. I never got any drugs, but I did get a beautiful baby and toast and tea’
Kim ‘Me when the anesthetist turned up to give me a spinal and began to introduce himself – I don’t care who you are just make this pain stop. I also asked to have a bath as well at one point.’
Sinead ‘At what point am I allowed ALL THE DRUGS?’
Sarah ‘I demanded a burger, I had missed my dinner when I went in to be checked over and because I needed to stay and they induced me I got rather hungry.. ‘someone please go get me a burger!’ And the saddest thing is that I never did get it 😞 ‘
Becca said ‘2nd labour I turned to my husband and said “I’m so hungry I can’t be in labour I need snickers” I was holding my baby 10 minutes later and never did get my snickers haha …’
Clare “I’ll give you £100 just to leave that in till it’s over and you know I love you,” said to the nurse topping up my epidural during my 1st’
Danielle ‘I said I needed to start writing a thank you letter to Smooth FM because their music choices were very helpful 😂😂😂😂’
Lucy “You are the best person in this whole hospital! I bet everyone loves you!” To the lovely anesthetist who put in my epidural.
Labouring women say the hilarious – and most ridiculous – things that sometimes must leave the midwives, doctors and our birthing partners more than a little perplexed. Don’t worry we have all been there.
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